whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
