When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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