So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize