my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
