I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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