well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am midnight drunk by noon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
