Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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