How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
