If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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