just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
