I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We smell like vodka and hangover
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