You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's get the cat blown out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
