Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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