Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize