I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
