Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
