we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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