How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
