Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
