Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this boner is exhausting
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
