did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
