This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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