Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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