I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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