$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
