Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
