haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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