btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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