I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
ttyl tear gas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
