i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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