apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
