She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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