I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
