i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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