shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
