He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Swine flu is the new snow day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
