Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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