So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
