I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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