He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
