we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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