and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
