ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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