There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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