peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize