I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
