Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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