TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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