We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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