Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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