haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
