I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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