so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do vagina's smell?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
