Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
