Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
