My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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