If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
