I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
