Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
