He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
