He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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