Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
