I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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