When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
