Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
