He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
