I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
