Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
