i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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