Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
